That WSJ trademark wit

It looks like this month’s edition of the Wall Street Journal Magazine is all about played out concepts no one gives a shit about anymore. How else do you explain a cover featuring Angelina Jolie with the word “Innovators”. It’s not there to sell issues, because this is a freebie that comes with the paper.

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“Innovators” is such an overplayed word that’s lost any useful meaning. It’s like the word “fascinating”. Instead of meaning extremely interesting, it’s used to describe someone who is trying really hard to be famous.

Kind of writes itself

I saw this in a Peet’s coffeeshop restroom in the city the other day. The title of the book is “If Women Ruled the World”. I found it ironic on a couple levels, and had these thoughts if women did in fact rule the world:

  1. The toilet seat wouldn’t have been left up.
  2. There wouldn’t be a book in the bathroom, because women don’t read on the toilet.

I’m not sure it was left behind to make a statement. There was a bookstore down the street having one of those sidewalk sales. The kind where they leave a table of books out in public with a drastically reduced price. It’s like they don’t even care if they get stolen. I’ve bought my share of books from those tables, and have never finished any. They’re usually stinkers. My theory is this may have been one of those books.

And yes, I did take a photo in a public toilet. I’m sure the person waiting outside heard the echoing “click” of my camera too and wondered what in the hell I was doing.

Basketball

Now that the Golden State Warriors are one of the best NBA teams ever, I’m interested in basketball. It’s like having the 90s Bulls around again. I love watching Steph Curry. He’s like one of the Globetrotters making everyone else look like a bumbling ass.

Even though I enjoy watching basketball, both college and pro, I freaking hate playing it. Of all the sports no one looks, or acts more douchey than someone playing basketball. For some reason, everybody that plays basketball thinks they’re great at basketball.

Most guys are total shit at basketball, yet don’t have any problem telling me not to take a shot, or to pass as soon as I get the ball. At my gym, you see all these frumpy middle age guys playing, thinking they’re pretty bad ass, and yet, like a pussy, they call every foul instead of just playing.

It’s like playing intramural sports back in college. There were all these guys who overcompensated for being cut from varsity sports back in high school who thought they knew what they were doing. Those guys have never moved on. Now, you’ll find them screaming up and down the sidelines or court side coaching your kids.

Almond Joy

Of all the alternatives to dairy I see, the one that makes the least sense to me is almond milk. People complain that almond crops use a ridiculous amount of water. Have you seen an almond? It’s a dry little nut. How in the hell do they get any liquid out of it?

Almonds are one of the most water-intense crops grown in California. Seeing as we’re in a drought, it’s easy to understand why people are so critical of it. They’re kind of bland. In order to make them good you need to smother them in turd of coconut and cover them in dark chocolate. As far as a nut goes, they’re nothing special. They are way better nuts out there. If there were a list, I’m not sure they’d crack the top 10. Then one day, someone came up with almond milk. That has got to be the biggest bullshit food product I’ve ever seen. There’s no way you could extract that much liquid from a dry little nut.

Almond milk is like the fracking of food.