Juice Cleanse

My wife and I have been married a long time, so we thought now is as good a time as any to stress test our marriage. So we tried a juice cleanse this week. At the same time we are experiencing an extreme heat wave (105 degrees) and our old house doesn’t have air conditioning. We rarely need any, but when you do, oh boy.

I never thought something that’s supposed to feel so healthy could feel both bad and good on so many levels. First of all, I feel like I’m logger deforesting old growth forest for sport. A whole bag of kale produces a teaspoon of juice, and it takes 2 bags of carrots to get even a half cup. Each juice I make generates about a pound and a half of vegetable detritus. The good news, our town has a decent composting program and all the waste won’t, go to waste.

After trying to subsist on juice for a day and a half, I feel physically terrific. I haven’t really lost any discernible weight, but I feel lighter. Meantime, mentally, I’m an insufferable grouch.

At this point, I think I’m going to have to make a major life decision. Do I go on the rest of my life fat and happy, or healthy and hangry.