Almond Joy

Of all the alternatives to dairy I see, the one that makes the least sense to me is almond milk. People complain that almond crops use a ridiculous amount of water. Have you seen an almond? It’s a dry little nut. How in the hell do they get any liquid out of it?

Almonds are one of the most water-intense crops grown in California. Seeing as we’re in a drought, it’s easy to understand why people are so critical of it. They’re kind of bland. In order to make them good you need to smother them in turd of coconut and cover them in dark chocolate. As far as a nut goes, they’re nothing special. They are way better nuts out there. If there were a list, I’m not sure they’d crack the top 10. Then one day, someone came up with almond milk. That has got to be the biggest bullshit food product I’ve ever seen. There’s no way you could extract that much liquid from a dry little nut.

Almond milk is like the fracking of food.