Whenever I meet a realtor, I always want to ask, “what did you suck at before?”
Undecided voters aren’t stupid. They just stopped learning at an early age
Undecided voters aren’t stupid. They just stopped learning at an early age.
Working at coffeeshops
One of the things I missed during the height of COVID was working in coffeeshops. Now that we live in a post-COVID world and remote working is the new normal, it’s time to return. I love working in coffeeshops except for a few minor things…
- When the WIFI doesn’t work for shit
- When every good table is taken by yoga moms bitching about god knows what
- When you have to go to the bathroom five minutes after you’ve gotten all your stuff set up. Now you gotta pack it all back up, ask for the key to the bathroom and find out someone else is in there now. Then the toilet paper roll is on so tight you can only tear off one square at a time. Now you have to stack it instead of wrap it around your hand. When you go to wash your hands, even though you’re not required to because you’re not an employee, there isn’t any soap in the dispenser, but there is some in a store-bought SoftSoap bottle, but you can clearly tell they’ve watered it down to get more out of it. The only thing that has worked so far is the Dyson hand dryer, but everyone knows that thing takes just as long as the old school hand dryers. Now you come back to find some yoga moms have taken your table. But it’s okay, the one next to them isn’t taken. They’re both kind of hot so you don’t mind. Except the table wobbles and it’s impossible to type on your laptop.
- Oh, and the only outlet is clear across the room where some asshole is charging his JUUL.
Other than that, I love working at coffeeshops!
Sarah Cooper calling it quits
Internet famous lip syncer and eye-roller Sarah Cooper claims to have made her last Trump TikTok after the recent debate with Kamala Harris.
If there were an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar or Tony for achieving fame with the least amount of talent and effort, she’d definitely deserve a nomination. Though, it’d be a tough call if Haley Welch and her “Hawk tuah” were also in the running.
As a comedian, I’ll admit I’m seething with envy for her rise to fame. But as a fan of comedy, I’m embarrassed for the people who lose their shit over these videos. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely despise Trump. But as far as satire goes, these videos are some pretty weak sauce.
In the end, I don’t blame her one bit for milking this whole thing. She managed to score a Netflix special and a role in “Frosted” – quite possibly the worst movie of 2024, if not the entire ’20s.
I appreciate she’s ending it because she’s “bored with Trump”. It could be worse, she could have blamed “poor engagement with content longer than 15 seconds.”
I’ve seen her other work. She has talent and skills that aren’t being utilized. Hopefully, this will free her up to work on that instead.
Jayhawks Live
This past weekend, I saw the Jayhawks at The Bankhead Theater in Livermore. I’ve been a long-time listener of them since 1995, when Tomorrow the Green Grass came out. WXRT in Chicago used to play a few tracks off that album when DJs still had some autonomy to play stuff they liked.
I don’t listen to all their albums, but that particular album has been in my heavy rotation for years.
If you’re looking for some instant alt-country cred at a GenX BBQ, casually mention it as a seminal masterpiece.
They played several songs from that album, including closing with “Bad Time”. It’s my favorite song of theirs. Until recently, I didn’t know it was Grand Funk Railroad cover.
Most Jayhawks fans I know, didn’t know that either. As a music snob, this presents a major dilemma. I can share this tidbit of trivia and look like a know-it-all asshole. But then I run the risk of giving people the impression I listen to Grand Funk Railroad.
Something for the Triaplegics in Your Life
These 3 1985 Honda ATCs are like new, hardly used. I presume they were traded in for 3 wheelchairs. They’re the perfect gift for kids who have everything, including feeling from their neck down.
I spotted this listing on Bring a Trailer today. When I was in junior high, we lived in Houston suburb that felt like the edge of civilization. All the kids in our neighborhood either had one of these or dirt bikes. My brother and I had neither. So we would pedal our bicycles out to the gullies and ditches where all the kids hung out and had their fun.
I don’t blame my parents for not getting us one of these, because of that decision I don’t have to eat my meals with a straw unless I want to.
Speaking of Houston and Texas. Something I’ve noticed having been to 47 out of 50 states in the US. In red states parents who vote pro-life are also more likely to buy their kids toys that can kill them.
2024 Harris-Trump debate
It was a great debate
My pooh hole was puckered up last night for the debate. But Kamala brought the heat and made Trump look like the blithering idiot he is. No one has dressed him down so publicly before.
California Sucks, Now Tell your Friends
Everyone has an opinion about California, even people who’ve never been to the state. It’s hardly perfect but its natural beauty is why I love it so much.
I’ve lived in a lot places and I’ve been to almost every state in the US. The only 3 left are Alaska, Idaho, and Wyoming.
Lately, some of the biggest complainers about California are the people who live here. They bitch about the cost of living, the crime, the traffic, and so on – as if these things don’t exist in other parts of the country. I do agree with one thing, it is expensive.
But California has been expensive my whole life and I’m not young. Anywhere worth living in the US is expensive from what I’ve read. Austin, Denver, Nashville are all pricey. They’re not places I’d want to live either but I get their appeal. I love Chicago, DC, New York, and Boston. Those are some of the few places I’d consider moving too, but again, expensive.
I grew up in affordable and you can fucking have it.
If you want to live somewhere worth living it’s going to cost you. So get over it.
What I don’t understand are the people who live here or other fun places and don’t take advantage of what the places have to offer. To them, I say move. There isn’t a good argument for staying if you live most of your life behind the wheel of a car or staring at a television.
America is full of bland cookie cutter towns full of familiar chains and restaurants. You can get Starbucks and cable just about anywhere now. If cheap is all you want you have way more options than those of us who want quality experiences.
Most Americans Now Get Their News at the Gas Pump
Most Americans Now Get Their News at the Gas Pump
Workday Super Bowl Commercial
In an effort to save money, Workday laid off 400 people…except the guy who spent around $14M to run a Super Bowl ad.
Doritos and Chevys I get, but no one who’s in charge of selecting a multi-million dollar enterprise solution should be basing any of their decision on branding.
I’m sure they’ll argue it’s important to raise awareness. But when did companies ever listen to their employees about IT rollouts?
In Defense of Karens
Instead of maligning a small group of women, we should start naming meltdowns like hurricanes. It’s not fair to all the Julies, Angies, and Jennies out there making a complete ass of themselves in public.
To make it even more equitable, we can alternate between female and male names to make all the Kevin, Todds, and Bobs happy.
French and English Labels
I understand why there’s often more than one language on packaging. Companies might sell their products in another country and want to save money. But why is it usually French? Am I to believe the only other place Old Spice Night Panther shower gel is available is France?
Buzz Aldrin
Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 93 just married the love of his life. This is his 4th wife. So how many years did this old geezer spend not in love?
Mind altering
Who needs acid, ecstasy, or shrooms at my age. If you want a total mind fuck, just go shopping at a Target or Kohls in some other city than your own. Everything inside is all the same, but step outside in the parking lot and try to find your car. That’s a trip.
Goodwill
I’m at that age now, where the clothes I donated to Goodwill last year are worth more than clothes I bought at Kohl’s this year.